Toxic Assets

Apparently, Credit Suisse recently gave their investment experts an interesting bonus. It consisted of recent investments of theirs, assuming such assets consisted mainly of “toxic assets” of their own choosing. Surprisingly, they’re outperforming earlier ones.

If my father hadn’t invested in toxic assets, I’d be a rich man now, but when he died, he’d tied up quite a lot of his money in them, because he was a day trader. He’d make investments in stocks he knew to be risky and volatile, hoping to make a quick buck in spite of the risks. But when he died in 1964, his assets were frozen, and many of them, of course, “went south”. Otherwise, his estate would have been about a million dollars, in dollars that really meant something. Instead, it dwindled and dwindled, to the point where, when I finally got my hands on my share, many years later, I got about $15,000.

I invested it aggressively, doubling it every 7 months, to the verge of $100, 000, and hoping to get it up to about a quarter million, but it was suddenly lost to an embezzler, all of it.

I wanted to make humanoid robots, following in the footsteps of my heroes, Tom Swift, Jr. and Isaac Azimov. I figured I’d need a million dollars to get started, but with a quarter million, I could partner up with four or five other investors and make my mark on the world as the founder of anthropoid robotics.

If only my asset, entirely in platinum at the time, hadn’t turned toxic!

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